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Top 5: Blindly patriotic songs about America

September 11th, 2008 · 20 Comments

Toby Keith

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Ah, September 11 is here once again, and we can all reflect on the tragic day when our country went completely nuts. Besides being used to justify some completely despicable stuff (like Rudy Giuliani’s private speaking career), 9/11 was a boon to some country music stars (and even some non-country musicians), who have historically been the most patriotic of American pop stars. So here they are folks, my favorite blindly patriotic songs about America:


05. Merle Haggard — “The Fightin’ Side of Me”

The Hag pretty much wrote the book on patriotic country songs with “The Fightin’ Side of Me” and its predecessor, “Okie From Muskogee.”

I read about some squirrely guy,
Who claims, he just don’t believe in fightin’.
An’ I wonder just how long,
The rest of us can count on bein’ free.
They love our milk an’ honey,
But they preach about some other way of livin’.
When they’re runnin’ down my country, hoss,
They’re walkin’ on the fightin’ side of me.

You said it, hoss.

04. Trey Parker & Matt Shaiman — “America: Fuck Yeah! (Bummer Remix)” and “Freedom Isn’t Free”

I found Team America to be surprisingly hilarious despite the overtly political subject matter and the fact that Trey Parker and Matt Stone can get pretty intolerable when they deal with overtly political subject matter. The best part of the film was definitely the music. I couldn’t choose between these two songs, so they’re splitting the vote– “Freedom Isn’t Free” perfectly skewers the rousing, post-9/11 country song while “America: Fuck Yeah! (Bummer Remix)” takes the movie’s bluntest song and makes it even funnier.

03. Darryl Worley — “Have You Forgotten”

My friends and I got obsessed with this song right after it came out, probably because its stupid, kneejerk, intellectually disingenuous argument (that people who questioned our country’s reaction to 9/11 have somehow “forgotten” about the attacks) is so hilariously performed by Darryl Worley. South Park did a great parody of “Have You Forgotten” on their 100th episode, “I’m A Little Bit Country,” when the hillbilly character Skeeter sings his own pro-war country song:

Did you forget them towers in New York?
Did you forget how it made you feel
To see them towers come down?
Were you like me? Did you think it weren’t real?

02. Toby Keith — “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue”

This is definitely the best of the patriotic post-9/11 songs. It’s propelled by a generically rockin’ country arrangement and Toby Keith’s insanely jingoistic lyrics that describe just what the United States intends to do with the terrorists responsible for 9/11: Shove a boot in their ass and blow them up. According to Keith, shoving a boot up their ass is, in fact, “the American Way.” He is of course referring the “Great Ass Boot Shoving” that took place at the Second Continental Congress in 1776 in Philadelphia, in which New Hampshire delegate Elias Boudinot angrily shoved his boot up Alexander Hamilton’s ass in an argument over the forceful quartering of soldiers.

Interestingly enough, I’m actually totally obsessed with Toby Keith’s recent single, “As Good As I Once Was.” I think it’s actually really good, and the video is, well, God, just watch it …

01. Lee Greenwood — “God Bless the USA”

Didn’t see this one comin’, did ya? Yes, of course, the all-time great, overblown, fireworks and flag-waving patriotism song is no doubt Lee Greenwood’s manipulative sapfest “God Bless the USA,” the song so good that Greenwood released it three times–once in 1984, once during the Gulf War of 1990-1991 and once after 9/11 …

From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.

From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there’s pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.
That I’m proud to be an American.

Hey! I live somewhere in between those areas he just described! He’s a-talkin’ about me! Awesome! I am proud to be an American!!!

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And though it’s not exactly a blindly patriotic song, I just wanted to include this last one as an Honorable Mention. Ladies and gentleman, Hulk Hogan’s WCW theme song– “American Made”:

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Tags: Top Five · Videos

20 responses so far ↓

  • 1 James // Sep 11, 2008 at 9:31 pm

    Ha, Hulk Hogan! that guy’s ripped

  • 2 Friesen Point // Sep 12, 2008 at 10:35 am

    Toby Keith got robbed. And James, the Hulkster isn’t really ripped as much as he is “yoked.”

  • 3 Joel // Sep 12, 2008 at 11:24 am

    OK everyone, please bear with me as I try to put that goddamned Digg button on the page …

  • 4 matt // Sep 12, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    Joel, you are a kindred spirit with my last COMO roomie, Nicky Gifts. He became obsessed with Toby Keith and particularly “As Good As I Once Was.” That song is the shizz on many different levels.

  • 5 Joel // Sep 12, 2008 at 12:47 pm

    Well, I can’t get the stupid one with the counter to work, so we’ll use little robot man …

    Dan — I wrestled long and hard over the #1 and #2 spots, and though I agree Toby Keith’s song is a more balls-to-the-walls America Fuck Yeah kind of song, I decided “God Bless the USA” was just more universal. It’s got the mileage to prove it.

  • 6 Joel // Sep 12, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    Matt–yeah, that song rules! I’m guessing you watched the video. I didn’t realize it came out in 2005, looks like I’m a late bloomer on that one …

  • 7 Joel // Sep 12, 2008 at 12:55 pm

    Also, Nicky Gifts is an awesome name. That has to be fake, right?

  • 8 Pat // Sep 14, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    jesus, the “as good as i once was” video is pure corn.

  • 9 Joel // Sep 14, 2008 at 7:45 pm

    yeah, but it’s delicious cream corn.

  • 10 Ben // Sep 15, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    In the TK lexicon, I may lean more towards “Who’s Your Daddy” over “Good as I Once Was”, though “Stays In Mexico” and “How do you like me now”. And though it may not entirely fit your criteria, Alan Jackson’s “Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning (That September Day)) should be on that list without question. Whenever we do Freedom 40’s (drink a 40oz in 9min11sec) that song along with lee greenwoods anthem and courtesy of the r,w, and b are played.

  • 11 matt // Sep 15, 2008 at 11:35 pm

    Ben, don’t forget about “I Love This Bar.” Man, the look on Joel’s face this weekend when he discovered for himself that there is a Toby Keith’s I Love This Bar and Grill was priceless.

  • 12 Joel // Sep 16, 2008 at 8:56 am

    Ben–I did consider the Alan Jackson song, but I guess I was sensitive towards having a more diverse list, with the Team America and Merle Haggard list. Perhaps I was mistaken, but I stand by my picks.

  • 13 Joel // Sep 16, 2008 at 8:57 am

    “with the Team America and Merle Haggard on the list”

  • 14 Toys For Men // Jul 15, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Team America “FUCK YEAH!”

  • 15 Kru // Jul 16, 2011 at 5:49 am

    No national anthem sung by Roseanne Barr here? lol

  • 16 purchase settlement // Apr 1, 2012 at 9:41 am

    These are great thanks for putting them together.

  • 17 NewLaunch.Com.Sg // May 1, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Can’t play the youtube video, strange :(

  • 18 purchase settlement // Jun 1, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I hate it when links get broken

  • 19 hail britania! // Jun 4, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    ahem “best selling show”

  • 20 purchase settlement // Jul 3, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Broken links but I know a couple of the songs. Country isn’t my thing.

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