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Top 5: George W. Bush quotes

November 23rd, 2008 · 13 Comments

The Bush Boogie

Yeah, yeah, this list is already a dead cliché, and it’s lazy and irresponsible to reinforce the image of Bush as a lovable clown; but hey—it’s going to be weird having a president who can speak in regularly constructed sentences. So this must be acknowledged. Sure, it’s all fine and good to kick out the guy who runs fast and loose with the Constitution, has a penchant for starting unnecessary wars, doesn’t mind politicizing once non-partisan institutions, etc., bla, bla, bla. But this guy was a gold mine of hilarity! Here’s my personal top five George W. Bush quotes, which I’ve interlaced with some of my favorite Onion articles about Bush.

G’bye George. We’ll … well, we won’t miss you. But yeah, it was pretty funny …

Bush

05. “I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.”
—From the presidential debate, St. Louis, MO, Oct. 8, 2004

+Video from YouTube

+From The Onion: “Bush Elected President of Iraq”

This is the quote that fathered a million sneering hipster asides. The intentional misspeaking of the word Internet as “Internets” has taken on a life of its own. I even overuse it myself. There’s still something great about the fact that Bush may not have known that, though there are technically more than one Internets, the word Internet isn’t typically used in the plural form.

Bush with baby

04. “I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.”
—Speaking at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

+Transcript from the White House website

+From The Onion: “Bush To Meet With Agriculture Secretary Down In The Holler”

The inability of George Bush to imagine anything outside of his own experience and prejudice is one of the great tragedies of his presidency. But I don’t think that’s even the issue with this quote …

Bush thinks

03. TIE: “People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in’s house and say I love you.”
—Washington, DC, Sept. 19, 2002

+Quote from ereader.com

“We need to counter the shockwave of the evildoer by having individual rate cuts accelerated and by thinking about tax rebates.”
—Washington, DC, Oct. 4, 2001

+Transcript from the White House website

+From The Onion: “Bush To Olympians: ‘Bring Back Lots Of Valuable Gold’”

Talking about evildoers and bad men has gotta be one of George Bush’s favorite activities. Evildoers are like his own private Rocky-style meat locker punching bag. They get him pumped before he goes out and makes a speech. “These evildoers want a shockwave? BAM! How d’ya like that shockwave? Shock and awe, bitch.”

Also, thinking that the evildoers will be frightened by tax rebates is … just … idiotic.

Bush

02. “Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.”
—LaCrosse, WI, Oct. 18, 2000

+Audio from about.com

+From The Onion: “Daring Bush Returns From Egypt With Crystal Skull”

George Bush’s attempts at profundity are always something at which to marvel, but this one takes it. This quote was used brilliantly to preface the movie Step Brothers earlier this year.

Is this a door

01. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee—I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on, shame on you. Fool me—you can’t get fooled again.”
—Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

+Video from YouTube

+From The Onion: “Addressing Climate Crisis, Bush Calls For Development Of National Air Conditioner”

No surprises here. This quote represents the cream of Bush’s shoot-from-the-hip speaking style. You can tell what he wanted to say here, but it just … couldn’t … come out. Bushie, we hardly knew ye.

Tags: Lists · Pix · Politics

13 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Dillon // Nov 23, 2008 at 12:54 am

    They say America has come far by electing the first black president. Well, we did elect the first retarded president before that..so what’s the big deal? :)

  • 2 Why Kanye West is Your Favorite Celebrity « killerPOP // Nov 23, 2008 at 11:47 am

    […] probably the only person who generates more outrageous quotes than Kanye is George W. Bush (and maybe Gary Busey).  Kanye has given the world such gems as “George Bush doesn’t […]

  • 3 John Lampard // Dec 6, 2008 at 12:09 am

    While a lot of people are not going to miss Bush when he leaves office a few people just might his Bushisms!

  • 4 Famous Quotes // Dec 7, 2008 at 10:40 am

    They say America has come far by electing the first black president.

  • 5 Michel Big mich Boudreau // Jul 18, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    very good quotes.. i would have put number 2 the first!

  • 6 Clown Halloween costumes // Mar 26, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Hahaha - these always make me laugh - especially the first one about “internets”…I really don’t know how he was ever voted into power…

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  • 9 The Dualism of Good and Evil according to Haidt (The Happiness Hypothesis) | Skeptical Bob // Mar 10, 2013 at 8:25 am

    […] I find this thought so interesting because it happens to coincide with how many people view others outside their own “tribe.”  They don’t try to work out WHY others did things that they don’t agree with; they instead simply “demonize” the acts of the others, the “them”s.  Remember George Dubyah and his 2001 codification of the perpetrators of the attacks on the US, and his vow to rid the world of these evil-doers?  [Yes, you might argue that it was cheap and easy of me to find something the pea-brained George W. Bush said to support my argument; wasn’t he the simpleton idiot who also handed the Muslim world the old bromide of the Crusades to whet their appetites for Jihad against the West?  True, I grant you, but it is so easy to find a doofus Bush foot-in-mouth quote on anything!] […]

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